On Honesty

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

What God showed me today, on honesty…

I’ve been reading so many old papers today, cleaning up some old school stuff. I read a lot of Ruiz’s works. His are the kind of words that, as one’s life changes and one grows older, the words affect your heart differently. Anyway, he was talking in many of his journals from my freshman year (’06-‘07) about the correlation between honesty and vulnerability. In his journal entitled, “On Art and Honesty,” he speaks about how he was afraid to write and sing his songs because they could never be original.  As he went on, he finally had the thought (or perhaps the whisper of the Holy Spirit) to simply, merely, be honest: “You don’t have to be original, especially if it’s impossible. But you do have to be honest. Honesty— vulnerability, openness, and realness— make for the most relatable art, especially when it comes to music.” He had to make himself completely vulnerable to tell the class that, but I’m so glad he did.

I found a part of me when I took this to heart today.

I tend to see things as black or white— either it’s good, or it’s bad. I’ve been warned that it’s easy to become prideful when one has this kind of conviction. And it’s so true— I’ve had to repent before for being proud of this mindset, and how my relationship with God may be stronger than others…it’s a surprising and humbling place to be, when you realize that you’ve been in such a twisted place in your walk with Christ.  Truly, I was no “greater” if I  thinking in this manner, though our relationship with Him is all a little different. But this honesty— this vulnerability has really struck an attractive chord with me. I hate lies, and the topic of cheating causes me to seethe with anger. But with honesty comes the fact that your guard has to be let down — that you can’t be full of pride, that a part of who you are comes out. Just last night, I had a precursor to this lesson I would learn today. I had a thought pop into my head: “if you hold your trust at the ready, isn’t your heart is exposed for attack?”

But that’s what is so attractive to me. I’ve always been in love with the tale of Beauty and the Beast— how both of them have problems to face, but that they complement each other so well. It is devastatingly romantic to see someone who normally seems perfect, yet they have a weak spot— a tenderness that must be worked on daily. Some people only have to wear glasses for certain occasions, such as for reading or driving. It’s only when they pull out their assistance that they reveal their handicap. Some find the lesser-known weakness an attractive thing— it’s relatable. One cannot be a best friend to someone one doesn’t know or trust—  they have to have shared fears, goals, faults, and aspirations. Being a relatable person involves having been a failure. That’s why everyone hates the beautiful, social, scholastic, and all-around successful stars in their social circle— they don’t show any signs of human imperfection, whether they mean to hide it or not.

Respect toward a person becomes greater when he or she becomes honest…touchable.  Do you feel a greater respect for a successful politician, media entertainer, or athlete before or after you’ve read their autobiography? Is a teacher more or less forgiving after a student has explained their negligence in their studies? I feel that a man in great power with all his children in an Ivy League school is intimidating and respectable, but if he had a child with a mental incapability, he suddenly is trusted with greater respect for having dealt with life’s curve balls in taking care of his child. In short, weaknesses happen to everyone, but it’s not until we break down our walls of pride that we can connect and bond.

The truth can tear apart friendships, but in the end, it can provide healing, dulling the roar of frustration and mistrust. Finally knowing a best friend’s secret or of a beau’s unfaithfulness will at first bring heartache, but seen in the proper perspective, as Ruiz found out last that night as he penned his song, it can bring about true healing and relief. Maybe that friend turned out to be adopted, or that significant other was definitely not The One.

Taking this thought process heavenward and a little branched off, this lesson is so very connected to what God does for our lives—how He can take off from our honesty and trust. One has to be honest and vulnerable to be able to rely on the true, strong, Almighty God, to come before him and lay it all down at His feet. When one can trust Him, finding His will becomes available. Finding and staying in the will of God requires a reckless trust in:

1) That His Word is true, alive, and unchanging,

2) Prayer—and the movement of the Spirit on your heart (think of Phillip and the eunuch in the desert, Acts 8:26-40),

3) Wisdom—Act “not with fleshly wisdom” (2 Cor. 1:12), but asking for God’s wisdom (James 1:5).  Dr. Adrian Rogers said, “Get your heart clean, get your motive clear, search the Scripture, pray, and do what you think God wants you to do… Use the brain that God gave you!”

4) Providence. “A man’s heart plans his way, /But the Lord directs his steps.” (Prov 16:9) God will open and close doors as you are seeking His will for your life.

(I listened to Dr. Rogers give his sermon, “Lighting the Future” today, and it gave a similar message to my heart as did Ruiz’s journal.  The bullets above are his, but the main points are mine unless quoted.)

Ruiz was able to write his song that night, and even to sing it in front of our class later on. And it was beautiful. A lesson Ruiz learned and shared years ago is finally coming into a clear resonance for me this evening, and it’s part of a melody I wanted to pass on: Let go of trying to be the best, to be original, and just be plain ol’ honest you, with all your faults and weaknesses. You are the best YOU anybody can be, and that’s something everybody can relate to. And of course, learn how to trust God— to be vulnerable before the Creator of this complex, intricate universe, “…and He shall direct your paths.”

Starting Off...

 So... I've really been encouraged over this Thanksgiving break to begin a blog... and maybe one day, it'll behoove my efforts toward a successful career... and I love to write to everyone, so here goes. To start off, perhaps a reasoning behind my infatuation with the written word— this was for a scholarship back in the fall of '09 (it was mostly on poetry):

I have been somewhat of a lifelong writer. Oh yes, there have been times where I have had to put my pen or my laptop down and do the things that most people call real work, such as learning how to report what someone else said by way of research paper, or waiting tables, or even dealing with the tender hearts and minds of my friends. But perhaps one of my favorite things to do is to "people watch", and to muse upon the emotions on their faces, and try to feel what they are dealing with in the multi-faceted jewel called life. I write as I think, and they are suddenly a beloved character in the storybook of my life, a piece to the puzzle of who I am.

I cannot allow this writing to be submitted without mentioning the person who taught me to love poetry: Jason Ruiz. He was my Advanced English 9 teacher years ago, and has remained my friend throughout high school. He began "The Poet's Society", a club based off the movie, "The Dead Poet's Society".  This club was dedicated to students who wished to publish their work as teenagers, just to give them a starting point. I have to admit that this past year, we never submitted anything, but in years previous we held workshops and "fish bowled" each other's work. This is why I love poetry: It can say so much in a few, artistically placed phrases. One can entrust their feelings, their very heart, onto paper in poetry. And I have fallen in love with the danger of letting oneself go, of letting others see one's heart splayed onto a page for all to see... It is a way of bleeding black, onto a crisp sheet of white, and causing a movement in the hearts of all who decipher the splotches. 

So yeah... I hope that if you follow my blog... it's worth it to ya!