This May Be Tough to Read...Thoughts on the Death of the Masses

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/16/science/16terror.html?_r=1&hp

Reading this article, despite its attempt at not raising alarm, does cause me to tremble a bit with concern. With so many countries these days building up their store of nuclear weapons, it's not a matter of "if," but of "when" there will be a nuclear fallout— the "apocalypse" everyone is writing movies and video games about these days.

Midway through this article, I began to wonder if I, Jessica Powell, could die in an attack on the masses. Perhaps my body would never be recovered, or the rubble from a destroyed building would bury and tear it beyond recognition. I'm sitting here in a sleepy town, earning my education in a school that recognizes individuality because it can. Yet one day, perhaps I'll be taking the public transit, or crossing the street among tens of people (as they do in New York)... Suddenly, people are screaming and fleeing...the airplanes flying overhead... no, the scene is too graphic for me to even write. Were I to arrive at this event, I would not be an individual then. I'd be a number among thousands, millions, even.

In the 9/11 attacks, each of those people was an individual to someone, perhaps many people. But they sat at their desks and worked, living a normal life, keeping the business side of America running. They pushed paperwork and sent emails all day, drinking coffee and wearing business suits colored on the gray scale. They never dreamed they'd die from an inferno, or by plunging to their death from the 110 story tower they worked in.

Goodness, that is enough. I'm glad God has control of everything, but it is crazy to think that disaster upon America could hit at any moment. There is disaster all over the world all the time, even in the silent holocaust that is sweeping away the lives of unborn children.Yet something so pronounced as an attack to a country can send one reeling into thoughts too terrible for such an early moment of the day, or any moment for that matter.

16 December 2010

Kinda Lost on General People in General

Ok, so I could talk about where I am, like some of the best bloggers do. At least, that's what I think the elite do. I could tell you how I'm in the basement of my science building, locked out of my classroom because I'm here thirty minutes early. I could tell you that I'm eating a Healthy Choice soup from a cup, and it tastes gourmet. Yep, mass-produced food can taste gourmet, if it's not been made by a cafeteria employee. It just tastes like it was made with a bit more... concern? Anyway, stylistic blogging ritual aside, lemme tell you what I'm really thinking:

Today I was walking on campus, thinking of a certain friend from high school, my best guy friend. He was a caring person, and we used to cut up with each other all the time in our AP Biology class. I began to think of the good times we had, the nicknames we had created, and just how sweet he was to me when life gave me lemons.

I then compared him to some of the friends I've met here in my freshman year of college. I have several sweet, caring friends here as well. It occurred to me that, sadly, all people are the same. Not that I've been jaded by anyone. I guess... just, after meeting so many people from all around the country, and around the world in this unique school of mine, I've come to realize that all people can be fit into a generalized group. You have your traditional perfectionist, your sweetheart that everyone loves, your social butterfly, your cool, rebel-type, the brainy kid, the awkward kid... the list goes on and on. It was a saddening thought.

And, as the typical young woman does, my thoughts turned to marriage. When one enters into married life, they are supposed to be together forever. That's two people, that in a certain walk of life, come together and make a commitment to stay together for all the rest of their walks of life. That one person will be with you through everything—through loss of friends, through a move, through the death of a loved one...

But if people are generally the same, how do you find "the one"? How do I know whether I want to spend the rest of my life with a brainy kid, or a music geek, or an athlete? I admit, people are complex, and have many combos of the basic examples I have listed, but a friend here in one state can be so much like a friend there in my home state, or another country! God aligns two people to commit in that certain walk of life, but which walk of life? How do I know when I've met "the one"? What if I make the committment to a person, and "the one" walks by me, and I'm unable to do anything?

I guess this... questioning... that I am doing seems to be a lack of faith. BUT—I know that God has someone set up for me down the road, and that he will be the best friend I've ever met, and we'll have so many similarities and he'll complement me and such. I know this.

After seeing more of the world, after spending 4 months with not one familiar face, I've learned to... hold my own, I guess? Because all people translate out to be the same. And in that, there is familiarity. I can connect with my sweet, compassionate friend here, because I've learned how to react to my friend there. I miss him, but then again, I can see these qualities in someone at school.

Maybe it's not so bad that we're all the same.

By now, I've been let into class, and my soup is cold, so let me end with this: I've got a heck of a lot to sort out in this new chapter—even if much of life has the same old flavor. But I guess every young adult has to figure that out.